Headed out earlier on to visit bella, if everything goes well, I will be bringing her home tomorrow. I pray for the best! And to meet jojo at compasspoint, I haven't seen her for pretty long, got so much to catch up on but so little time. Dinner at joan's place, her mom was really nice to cook me nice noodles and black chicken soup. I think I should make her my godmommy soon.

Weather was as bad today, heavy rain late night, luckily I got home in time to avoid the short heavy downpour. Rain for such a short while only, so meaningless and dampens one's mood. Thank god it's not party night, if not I'll be cursing and swearing away.

On a lighter note, I'm heading to bali with the family in may/june, also to celebrate mommy's birthday so daddy decided to bring us for a vacation. Bali, bali, sounds a little boring but check this out!

Not too bad right! But best would be to go with the right company, yeah i hope. And next up, planning to hit hongkong with joan and her mommy, maybe just one more person to tag along would be great! I can't wait to go hongkong with herrrrrr! Shop and eat, shop and eat, no stress just relaxing.

My front tooth is hurting! I can't bite today, and yayyyyy it's shifting I can see it! Yawns, I wish I can sleep well tonight.

Without you, 16 days.

I thought we could go on for a longer journey, thought we can overcome this obstacle together. Sorry, blame it on me. I should've been stronger, should've held on a little longer. But I no longer have the courage to walk on alone, these steps that I'm taking just kept hurting me so much.

The weather's so gloomy lately, making my mood gloomy as well. Not to forget that, I really can't get over what has happened yesterday. I thought for the past sixteen years I've done my part as an elder, I thought I've given you enough space and respect. But you've totally disrespected me all these while, and i'm washing my hands off this time. Don't expect me to be the nice one anymore.

I seriously hope tomorrow will be a better day for me. Same goes to tomorrow's tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow, and all the many more tomorrows to come. I hate to be in this plight now, not knowing which step to take because every single step means i've to bear consequences. People keep saying take one step at a time? I don't even have a choice to choose my step.

Jingle's snoring now, and I miss your snorings too.

Ever tried throwing something small, say a ring, earring or necklace, into a big patch of green grass and you managed to find it after that? Like it felt like a miracle kind of thing, ever had that before? I had.

With just the thought of finding that little something, in my heart I told God that if I ever find it, it only goes to show it's fated to be with that somebody, that it's only meant to be. How real was it? I didn't even want to think of it. It's the fact that I found that little something in that patch of dirty, colourless (ok, so because there's only green and no other colours) grassland. It could've been impoosible to find it, but luckily that little something had some crystals on it and it just bling-ed to me! Gosh, what exactly am I supposed to do?

I feel as though life is playing a big joke on me, seriously. Testing my patience? Yes. Testing my perserverance? Yes. Testing my love? More like it. Crap.

He's just not that into you. I have to watch it because I heard the tips are pretty helpful, maybe after watching it, I'll see everything much much clearer and I won't have to suffer from depression anymore. Hate those sleepless nights, hate those toss and turning trying to get to sleep nights. Hate hate hate everything!

Hate you the most tonight.

I'm gonna go catch He's not that into you!
Well, actually not with the person I wish to watch it with though.
But who cares, I'm just so tempted to watch it, i must i must i can't wait!

First lesson today, pretty slack and not educative at all!
The lecturer was going through the criterias and some unimportant stuff and by the time he wanted to start on the actual topic, time's up. Gosh. And it didn't help that i knew NOBODY in the lecture room. Monday being their first lesson, and mine's only started today, how to make friends?

After class, met up with joan after sucha long long time we finally had time to go out together. Went to do a little shopping before we headed to Geylang for our favourite duck rice! Hate the weather, making everywhere so wet and humid. And not forgetting, dirtying my car too. Today I met the lousiest and most fucked up driver ever ever ever! Switching lane as and when he likes and I had to jam my brakes and honk at him nonstop. He did switched back to his own lane, but no apologies at all, NONE. And that bloody fella still dare to use his 'tiko-pek' look to stare at me! What a loser, curse all hyundai avante in grey. CURSE, CURSE, CURSE! Sorry, but all greyyyyyyyy avante will have to suffer my hatred from today onwards.

Coffee at airport with my beloved. Been such a long time since I felt this relax, nothing bothering me, jsut frinking my hot chocolate in a peaceful mind. Next, joan's home to meet my second family! Joan's mom made this steamed milk with egg, she says it's good for the complexion and it tasted pretty nice, like warm milk. I'm gonna try making it myself, like soon? Home sweet home at night with jingle darling.

Hold on, if you feel like letting go.

See, there's always bound to be sunshine after rain, plus beautiful & colourful raindow.
I can't describe the feeling I get everytime I see a rainbow, I just feel so much better and I'll grin to myself silly like a small little girl. Don't take my rainbow away ok?

It was pouring really heavily earlier on, I had to go fetch my parents from the airport, and it was tedious to be on the road because you can barely see anything, only the raindrops keep falling on the car windscreen and if you try harder, you can see the road markings. I think they should use brighter colours, like red/hot pink/orange for the road markings, white is just too white to be seen. And then I dropped by the petrol station, guess what? Whole petrol station system jam! So much for a heavy downpour with cooling weather to sleep in. Even the traffic lights in my area were not working, playground lights were shut off so it was pitch black outside my crib. Yeah, whatever. The beautiful rainbow makes the heavy rain all worthwhile.

Movie! I'm so tempted to go watch a movie, been feeling this way for almost a week. Red cliff 2, I've been bugging almost anyone to watch it with me because there's little screenings left, one a day per cinema only. I think in the end, I must buy the dvd to watch at home sweet home. And there's He's just not that into you, heard high ravs about this movie so yeah, I'm gonna catch it for sure!

B, where are you?

10 things in my messy mind now,

1. I have a dream, a dream that seems too unreal to happen.

2. I wanna be with you, but it isn't up to me to decide anymore.

3. I need someone to hug me now, the weather's so cold, brrrrr!

4. I miss my gemmie/bella/whatever I haven't decided.

5. First lesson this thursday and I don't even have the mood to go.

6. I wish everything that has happened was a bad, bad nightmare. Just bite me and go!

7. I need to go shopping in bangkok, the cravings are coming back but the protests won't end!

8. There are some old times that I'm missing right now..

9. I really need to sleep well at night!

10. I think i'm going crazy over you..


The weather is superbly cold, and it just won't stop raining! I wish I was sick and can stay home to sleep and sleep and just sleep! Because I'm feeling so lonely at home in this cold weather. I need more hugs and that someone to cuddle with me! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What can I do to make you love me?
What can I do to make you stay?

I'm so tired, I'm so unhappy I feel I can just breakdown and cry anytime. I seriously hate all these emotional torture one has to face, why can't I be happy for long? Look on the brighter side of life, gracie. Yeah, I guess it takes a while for the pain to go away. Don't rush, hush hush, chill. I remember this as what my long-time friend always say to me :)

I finally met joan tonight, she came over to my place and I can't explain how happy I was to see her after so long! She's been too busy and I haven't got a chance to really talk to her. Though it was a short conversation, I managed to pour out my recent woes to her. And yeah, I felt slightly better after that. I wish we could meet up real soon to talk my heart out! On the other hand, I have jojo to talk to as well! Love her company though we only get to talk online nowadays, we haven't met for a long time too!

I always ask my precious jingle, why can't I be like you? I wanna be a dog, I wanna have such a good life like you with no worries, everyday only eat and sleep and eat and sleep!

Jingle, let's swap our lives can! *jingle snoring*

Saying I love you, is just the words I want to say to you.
Loving you unconditionally, not asking for anything in return anymore..

I was out with my sister in the day till evening, and today I really wasn't in the mood to shop. I have no idea what's wrong with me, everything doesn't seem to go right for me today, and I'm super drained out emotionally. Never thought I'll be this affected, though it was simple love, everything seemed to stay on in my mind. If I could be given one wish now, it'd be ***** (praying). It's really cold tonight, and the weather makes one especially lonely.

I wanna pull myself up, I really wanna be happier. Can you make me happy again?

Miss you? miss you not? miss you. miss you not? miss you.
Absence makes the heart grows fonder, yeah very true.

I couldn't sleep again yesterday night and I was up early this morning to send my parents off at the airport, and came home to an empty house again. Every time they go outta town, the house becomes empty, but every time they are around, it's sooooo noisy (ok maybe just my mommy). No matter how many people I may have around me now, I just feel so empty inside. What's wrong gracie? I feel so silly, and maybe foolish too.

I think everyone ought to prepare themselves for the worse scenario and I'm right now, preparing myself for mine. I totally suck at heartbreaks because I can't seem to make myself feel any better, I only end up doing more things to make myself feel bad. I'm prepared, i'm prepared, i'm prepared, i'm just preparing still. And I know my prayers may not be answered, once again. It happens all the time, I think God wants to train me to become a stronger girl to survive through the adulthood I'm gonna be facing in like seven months? I'm turning twenty-one, I was all excited before but now, I totally dread that birthday coming. I think I wanna spend it with someone I love. And I think that someone might be you.

Just, why can't I sleep at night?

To go or not to go, to go or not to go, to go or not to go.
To do or not to do, to do or not to do, to do or not to do.

Shopping!

I'm so tempted to go shopping before school starts, I need new clothes, new clothes, new clothes!
I think i'll do it this weekend, though i'm a little hard up on cash recently.
Yessssss, retail therapy is what I need to make me a teeny weeny bit happier now.
Just a little happier only..

I'm feeling extra lonely ever since the change in status, like for a week only.
I thought it was all just the company, but then again I was proven wrong. It's more of the company and the person who accompanies you. You can't just let anyone accompany you and expect yourself to feel the happiness. I hate myself, everything seems like a nightmare that I can't bring myself to accept. Or maybe, I just don't want to accept it.

I'm suffocating, and I don't know what to do.
Eight days since you're gone..

Feeling so lonely all of a sudden,
I guess it's because nobody's talking to me tonight.

Today, I went to visit my precious and she was looking slightly better. Taken her second jab and most probably able to bring her home in another one or two weeks. I should be feeling joy to receive such news, but part of me just refuses to look on the brighter side of life, just tonight. I don't know if I've made the right choice, don't know if it's really what I want to do. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and I've been trying too hard to make things work out better. At the end of the day, everything just snaps, like a dream that never came true after all..

Why bring yourself all the way down to such low level and fight for something you know that you won't ever achieve. Sometimes, perserverance may not necessarily be a good thing. When it's time to let go, you have to force yourself a little, after all it makes a better tomorrow..

My better tomorrow, would be it's one more day nearer to bella's homecoming! Ok, tentatively i'm using bella because I can't decide her name yet. Bella, bella, bella. Gemmie, gemmie, gemmie. I'm open to any suggestions, so come tell me more!

If a picture paints a thousand words,
I only wanna paint my eyes to show you how hurt I am,
the amount of tears i've shed,
the pain in me the day you're gone.

I don't love you, like I've loved you yesterday.
Not anymore, I've tried my best but you refused to play your part.

No more tomorrows to come.

Sometimes, I feel that life is full of crap.
And on certain times, I feel life can still be wonderful, setting aside all the setbacks you've to face. But then again, I think it's all just all about looking perfect on the surface. In actual fact, nobody can be happy forever. Especially when it comes to relationship, there's just too many problems surfacing to make one so damn tired of the relationship. I thought love is supposed to make you happy? Maybe it's all the doings of a fairytale again, I was brought up as a child into believing that fairytales do exist, and I will find my prince charming. Like real!

Why stay in a relationship and let others step all over you time after time when you know things ain't gonna work out anymore, you should jolly well just move on and get back some pride and dignity. Easier said than done right? Yeah right, absolutely.

I'm just happier this way, having my own fair share of friends, the ultimate company of my loving dog - jingle and not to forget, a handful of suitors who will always be there for me. So, the question is, is a boyfriend a must in life? I've taken exactly eight years of my life (okay, on account that I've started dating since twelve years old), till date to find out the answer. And it is proven to be, I still can't survive without a boyfriend! Damnit, why right? Because I hate to be lonely, maybe.

My biggest worry now, is my beloved new love who seems to be really down in health. I'm still awaiting for her homecoming - delayed and delayed again.

God bless my love.

I just visited bella,
she looks pretty sick!
And I'm really worried now,
her eyes were so red and she looked so tired.
I'm praying and praying for the better,
I wanna bring her home soon!

God bless her.

Haven't been updating for the longggggeeessst time! And finally, I've got something I really wanna write about. Check this hot little babe out, my new doggy love :)

I'm gonna name her Bella.
Here's Bella, one day before her 1st month. Really tiny girl, only a palm size!


Here's baby Bella when she's one and half months. Like how her face changes to become a pretty chihuahua! Chocolate brown, I've been searching almost everywhere for this shade.